Gaining a Sense of Self After Trauma

A note to a reader seeking to develop a sense of self after losing themselves to trauma.

"Hi Madeline, Is there anything that has helped you feel a sense of self again? Due to trauma, I feel like I never got the chance to just figure out who I am and what I want, and I often feel so conflicted on the inside. I feel like trauma can take up so much space in our lives and ourselves. I would love to hear your thoughts on this." 

Hi friend,

I relate deeply to what you’re experiencing. I, too, felt like I had completely lost myself to trauma. You’re so right—when pain consumes our worlds, and we're just trying to survive, it can feel like our lives are defined by our struggles and what we went through. When our symptoms are so intense, it’s hard to reconnect with ourselves to figure out what we’re passionate about, what brings us joy, and what we want out of life.

But even after my trauma symptoms were no longer overwhelming me, I didn’t have a clue who I was.  After going through a traumatic experience, it changes the way we view ourselves and the world we live in. It’s a hard truth to sit with, but trauma leaves an imprint on our lives, no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves from it. And because our experiences help shape us, it's impossible to go back in time and return to a past version of ourselves. We can do the same things we once did, but it’ll feel different, because on the inside, we aren’t the same—and it’s why so many of us feel lost and disconnected from ourselves. 

I have a chapter dedicated to reconnecting with yourself in You’re Going to Be Okay (it’s lesson #14 of the 16 key healing lessons I share) so if you’re interested in reading about this in more detail, be sure to get your hands on a copy of it, as it builds on the earlier lessons. For now, a couple of things to think about: