A few weeks ago, I got a haircut, and it’s the shortest it’s been since I was a kid. For my entire adult life, I’ve kept my hair long, and up until my most recent cut, it brushed against my mid-back.
Cutting my hair short with my tips floating above my shoulders has been a desire of mine for the past several years, but I always get talked out of it by myself and others. A former partner of mine had a strong preference on how I wore my hair. He preferred it long, down, and styled. I preferred it up and in a bun. When I’d get ready for an upcoming appointment, I’d ask, “What if I cut my hair short?” He’d respond, “Noooo! Don’t cut it!” and I’d walk away from the conversation believing that I’d be less beautiful with short hair and, therefore, less worthy of his love.
Even after we broke up early last year, I was too afraid to get a short haircut. I was dating for the first time in nearly a decade (and I knew I’d be judged for my appearance on the dating apps), and I feared that shorter hair would make me less attractive.
One of the days leading up to my most recent haircut, my girlfriend told me, “Your hair looks beautiful.” I told her, “Well, get ready to say bye-bye to it. I’m chopping it off!” When I told her how short, she said, “Oh, okay! Nice.” She seemed surprised, and I could sense the hesitation in her voice.
“What?” I asked, “You don’t think it’ll look good?”
“No, I just didn’t know you wanted it that short. You will look beautiful with hair at any length.”
Even though my mind was set and I was planning to cut my hair without the reassurance, it meant a lot to have her support. I was nervous to change my appearance, worried it wouldn’t do good. I kept telling myself, “It’s just hair; it’ll grow back,” preparing myself for the worst.
Once I was in the salon chair and my stylist started snipping away, I felt lighter. Yes, physically, with less weight on my head, but even more emotionally. It was liberating. In the past, other people’s opinions kept me from changing my appearance, and here I was, taking control. I felt like I was shedding an old layer—chopping off the old, getting ready to welcome new growth.
When my stylist was finished cutting my hair and began blow-drying, I couldn’t stop smiling. I loved how it looked, and it felt good. I felt rejuvenated, like I was stepping into a new version of myself that felt more me.
For the following days, I smiled every time I walked past a mirror instead of finding something “wrong” with me to pick apart. The happiness I felt with my new hair silenced my self-criticism (at least for a while).
Now too short to put into a ponytail or bun, I’ve been challenged with figuring out the best way to tie my hair up for various activities. Getting creative with my hair sparked new creativity in other aspects of my life. After months of confusion and procrastination with my next writing project, I felt inspired to start working toward my goals again.
This haircut brought me joy and gave me a boost of confidence. It made me feel powerful, reminding me I am in control of my appearance. It led me to notice new things about myself as I admired the new cut. It inspired creativity and helped me feel more present in my life. It helped me feel more me.
It may be “just hair,” but these little changes to our external worlds can benefit our internal worlds, too.